Tuesday, November 17, 2009

There and back again..

It has been long since i wrote anything, and have been missing it since quite some time to say the least... life has not taken a big turn, and I still remain what I was like in my last post, but having seen more of the world.

Since the last post, times have been a dense package of emotions, excitement, stress, fun and adventure. Have been to places I never thought I would explore, met people - liked and disliked them alike, ate a lot - liked it almost every time, got high like never before, been through downs as well.

So what I am trying to say is, having been through all that I have been through.. I am again back at the same crossroads... just that I know more about the circle that I went around, and locations of possible tangents... there are certain (almost all) tangents which lead to more circles, I am trying to now choose a circle which would be big enough to spend my life covering and knowing it, and whatever it encloses within... I hope to find some good companions along as well :).

I am happy today..

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Sober summer

I have brooded over my past quite regularly, about how people who have just started working have given up freedom of expression, especially the not so subtle ones for financial laterals.  Not that i am judging it to be right or wrong, I love all the money i have :D but somehow it hasnt enabled me to buy all that i want. 

Summer vacations have always been one of those very moments. If i think, summers for the past 15 years have been the most special times, may it be the crazy internship in some desolated steel pipe rolling plant or a radioactive metal extraction lab to the day-night long marathon movie sessions in the dim lit hostel rooms with 10 people in a 10x10 sq ft space. These were the times when the results arrived - some special and some not so special ones, most life changing experiences happened during these times like the JEE, the olympiads etc. It was also a witness to the breaking of a nascent relationship that i was ever a part of.  As a kid i used to wait for the TV serials which were telecasted on DD specifically for summers, those long hours of chess and business game with friends and for cricket in the scorching heat.   

Somehow this summer is lacking most of those things.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Critique

Charity begins at home... some smart fellow once said and i believe smart fellows say a lot... which are not always very smart things but well... who cares.

So what i am thinking right now is not really about charity but rather something a little contrasting... I couldn't think of anything better than the phrase quoted earlier... the sense i wanted it to make was that one should bitch about oneself before bitching about the rest... for I was thinking about retrospecting some things i do that i am not so confident to be the right things to do, but nonetheless i cannot stop doing them... Most people would like to keep such things to themselves but some strange instinct in me says its not good to keep such things to oneself and better to speak it out to some very nice people on earth who bother to read through whatever nonsense i sometimes write...

I like to think (I am sure each one of us thinks so) a lot about people around me... good things mostly but weirder things sometimes of course about the weirder lot... for example: Consider a hypothetical situation that some prof is trying to explain and inspire me about something that he/she has super-high regards for... i would love to pretend (In fact i do pretend) as if i am really thrilled and excited about the whole thing that he is talking about and probably it might have hardly occurred to me or for that matter anyone in this world had it not been for his/her words of wisdom... over and above what gives me the kick of the whole thing is thinking that this person really thinks i believe the crap he/she is giving me and has no clue about what i am really thinking... which is most of the time like what would he/she react like if i just spilled this coffee he/she just got over his/her books.. what if i burst out laughing over something that he is so serious about.. man! that would be hilarious!!

Not really that i am proud of this trick that i sometimes play with myself, most of the time i try and avoid it for it brings nothing more than sadistic (masochistic?) pleasure for a couple of seconds and I also very well understand the fact that i am not fooling anyone else but myself as most of the time it has happened that an entire gyaan session has done its course and i have had the same incremental understanding of the concept as the peon who was probably cleaning the spilled coffee somewhere.

Well so all this was something i do with people i am not really very fond of. Most people who are good to me, i try and be really good to them. It so happens that i become just too good to them that i stop thinking about what i am saying. Then its they who start doing the thinking part and i am just aimlessly blabbering, thinking that i am being funny and we are having a great conversation till "it" happens. "It" has often happened at the most unanticipated situations where I am waiting for a nice friendly laugh or at least smile after speaking something which I have believed to be funny and great. I am searching for that spark and shine in those eyes with whom i have just shared some awesome bit of humour/fact... and there it comes, the person tries to be at his/her politest best and says something like "what did u just say", "i cant believe u just said that", "dude.. i always thought you were... ", "how.... you really meant... ". I still believe they are kidding and probably taking the joke to another dimension altogether and then the realization comes crashing down to me and i realize what else that i just said could have meant.

Most of the times both sides realize and understand, my friends being the real good people they are have learnt to discount such gory things i sometimes do and they too believe its due to some bit of malfunction/lack of Grey cells. Though, nothing makes the moment worse for me and I curse the moment and myself for the random stupid over-enthusiastic crap that i sometimes talk.

I have successfully blogged again after a good amount of gestation period and i am happy about it !!

P.S: .... and people who don't know me that well dont get scared.. If you are a good friend and I haven't done "it" to you there are chances that I may do "it" to you but remember the discounting formula i just talked about, and I am sorry (raised to some exponential value of 10) to those who have been a vitcim of this... believe me I am not so bad after all ... you can consult my friends :)

Thursday, October 09, 2008

The kid in me :)

Well so the earlier post was all about cribs and complaints and before you conclude anything about anything.. i thought it would be better to add certain very "close to me" things which come out whenever i am in the best of my spirits.. and here, I would be taking some time to cherish those old (read: very old, I wasnt even in 3rd std then) distant memories that crop up time and again, and to say the least, I love re-living them whenever and wherever possible... then on reading further you shall encounter that the "wherever" is not "wherever" actually.

So i was a curious kid and i am sure that everyone is/was.. but i had special curiosity towards things which some people (cute cuddly nice sweet as kids) would nearly puke at the thought of.. creatures like baby frogs, toads, crabs, lizards, praying-mantis, dragonflies, moths, butterflies, grass-hoppers and tadpoles (mind you tadpoles look very different from frogs.. if you weren't curious and observant enough as a kid one could easily have cooked one for you and given you on a platter as a fried baby fish, i guess you got it.. they look very much like baby fishes).

I was an avid fan of crabs and frogs, indulge me and i can teach you how to catch and hold a crab (without harming it) so that it doesnt hurt you... its really nice to let baby crabs walk over your palm or hands with the tickling sensation that runs up your spine :).

About the art of catching crabs, the ones around me used to live either in holes in the ground or the small nallahs that carried the rainwater (they had small fishes as well).

Now, for the ones living in the holes we used to lure them up with a twig of grass or earthworms and then when they are almost on the surface we used to block their holes poking sticks into the ground and through their holes so that they couldnt go in.. and then catching was "art" that cannot be put in words :P. For the ones that lived in the nallahs, it was an eagle eye scan followed by a quick claw-fist pounce to pull them out of the water without hurting them. Sometimes for the bigger ones we even tied string around their claws and dragged them around (i know this is barbaric but that was it and nothing more, they were untied and let go later)

Catching frogs is a bit tricky business though, you venture close enough thinking that you have concealed your presence to the extent possible feeling great that all the stealth tricks that you have learnt from other kids on the block and from "wildlife expedition" on DD-2 are eventually paying off and that you have almost made the catch of the day, that you just realize that it has actually leaped feets ahead of you. Not just that, if you ever tried to catch them with bare hands they would leave some slippery liquid, hence we used newspapers to catch them as that absorbed the ooze... phew!!

I can go on and on about the adventures and expedition but for the time i will save the remaining stories of the rabbit we had that used to drink tea, pigeons that became so familiar that they used to come and mess with our bed and the tortoise that terrorized my sister so much that my parents gave it off before i came from school and then i cried the whole night :(... the way my sister smashed my head against a rough wall, when in a "ghar-ghar" game i played the role of a kid who always refused to take any medicines and she was the mother whose role was to make me drink it no matter what.. about the "water-slides" game that we used to play in the big rainwater nallah :P (obviously secrets that my parents still dont know) for the next post :).

Please comment if you have read it :).

Sunday, September 21, 2008

The transition....

Well blogging after such a stretch of time is also a part of the transition that i am trying to catch up with... living at home, traveling for minimum of 2 hrs a day, working for nearly 10-12 hrs, desperately waiting for weekends to come, longing for those late night movies, freedom to come to your room anytime and in any form, attending classes in the worst of your attire, knowing every face that passes you and of all NOT wearing formals !! ... i miss them all and more so i "them" all.

The crude passion and raw energy has to be more structured now, hobbies have to wait and deadlines have to be met. It seems like a journey from a bird to an aircraft... very dramatic indeed!! This is what i long to do.. sit, think and crib about things happening around me.. be it good or bad.... cribbing or bitching whatever you call is a way i let out heat and feel really relaxed.. office doesnt give you time, parents dont give you space... every time i sit alone or ask to be left alone... i invite to myself unimaginable amount of extra attention.. exactly the opposite of what was desired... being back home after 5 yrs, parents want to really help me out :) .. so there i am.. really longing to bitch and BITCH about each and everything thats happening to me, be it good, be it bad.. and i am just not finding enough vent to let it out... this I realised is one of the biggest asset that college (read hostel) life bestows you with.. so i have resorted to crib mails, crib phone calls and crib chats (alliteration huh!... totally unintended.. i sometime hate when ppl try and use puns which only they understand or expect ppl to really rack their brains while they prefer waiting like fools anticipating the first sign of laughter... i simply prefer to pretend laughing and thinking how idiotic!.. i said i am venting it out !! so dont think of the flow of content because i havent really thought of what i am saying or would say... too big a bracket !!!).

I have discovered and rediscovered some "bitching buddies" (did u say alliteration again :-? .. i wont dwell more in to the philosophy of these words :P) and i bet it really relieves to say whatever you want to (on the lines of "Jab We Met" in a way). One wont believe it but by writing all this down i am feeling so much lighter... i have a flight to catch at night today to leave to Delhi and i can think of things in a new dimension now, would time and again bounce back on this space to paint more pictures (vivid pictures is it!) or plainly put to CRIB.

Monday, June 16, 2008

High on friends

.... before i get second thoughts over not writing this... i think it would be better to get done with it... second thoughts which i usually have a lot and the very ones which have time and again caused me to change my mind, something that i have frequently repented about, being judgmental about what i write etc... this post would be one where i am just penning things as they are coming straight to my mind...

I am really sad that I would be leaving this place... and feeling totally helpless that I was never able to tell people who mean a lot, how much they mean to me. Right now i am a bit high with deafening music preventing any other thought from disrupting the process of contemplating and brooding over the past, a thing which i usually do and forget... no need to feel pity for me for the same, as i am sure most of us do it and those who don't contemplate (leave apart the brooding over part) surely do really miss something as an important part of their existence.

These last few days are proving to be nothing less than a test of endurance... how much ever i try to get over it, it comes over and over, again and again to remind me that my life is suddenly going to be a vacuum, deprived of all the goodness it once was bestowed with.... totally unaware of how new acquaintances would be... would there be a substitute for people whom i loved, cared about and thought i knew better than anyone else, and hope got the same from them in return...

I wish to tell each and everyone, how much each of them means to me but am afraid I would miss someone, this was the only reason why i never appreciated anyone to the extent i ever wanted... strange diplomacy this may seem or pleasing everyone kind of thing... but this was somehow true... i never wanted anyone to feel I liked someone over the other... so even now I would end this blog without naming anyone...

You all are etched deep in my memories and I would defend it against the strongest tides of time.... these cherished memories are the only true gifts which I would be taking along with me from this place which meant more than my home for 5 years... the place which turned an introvert in me with very few friends to what I am today.... its you guys who have molded me to what I am today.... I wish i get to reciprocate for all the things everyone among you have done for me.

Love
-Sai

P.S: ....and rathi says he thinks the same as well

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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Surrogate

After a week long absence from my room, I come back and discover my books and hamburger cd-case [a gift :( from my sis] all ripped apart and the cotton spread evenly throughout one of my book shelves. Obviously puzzled, I reach out to clear the mess.

A small ruffle leads to a couple of high frequency squeaks and a small brown mass trickles down and falls into my bag of clothes, to my surprise I find my cupboard housing a squirrel nest. It now rests in my tiffin-box (the one my mom sends food for me in) laden with the same cotton, waiting with its surrogate for the real to come and take care.

A squirrel in Washington, DC.

This reminds me of my school days when I used to have a couple of pigeons nest in our balcony and feed them regularly. I was so much used to them that I could identify almost all pigeons in the vicinity and learnt pretty good fact about them, they had got so much used to me that they used to flock around me, sit besides my palms to feed. I have had rabbits, tortoises at home earlier but pigeons were the best experience, though i haven't seen creatures as dumb as them.

I gave up this habit after one of those pigeons was hit and taken by some arbit ppl in front of me as it had become quiet fearless of humans, I thought it was because of me as I couldn't reach in time and they were gone by then.

In IIT, I always ensured such a thing doesn't happen ever and kept my windows always closed when away, but it has happened again, I wish the mother comes and takes it away from here soon, till then I guess I will have to play the "surrogate" part.

Any fundaes or prior experiences with squirrels/rodent nursing are most welcome :).. hope it would give an eventful ending to my five years stay here.

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Some wiki fundaes: Relationship with humans

Squirrels are generally clever and persistent animals. In residential neighborhoods, they are notorious for eating out of bird feeders, digging in planting pots and flower beds to pull out bulbs which they chew on or to either bury or recover seeds and nuts and for inhabiting sheltered areas including attics and basements. Squirrels use their keen sense of smell to locate buried nuts and can dig extensive holes in the process. Birds, especially crows, will watch a squirrel bury a nut and will dig it up as soon as the squirrel leaves. Although expert climbers, and primarily arboreal, squirrels also thrive in urban environments that are largely free of trees.

Squirrels are sometimes considered pests because of their propensity to chew on various edible and inedible objects. This characteristic trait aids in maintaining sharp teeth, and because their teeth grow continuously, prevents over-growth. Homeowners in areas with a heavy squirrel population must keep attics and basements carefully sealed to prevent property damage caused by nesting squirrels. A squirrel nest is called a "drey". Some homeowners resort to more interesting ways of dealing with this problem, such as collecting and planting fur from pets such as domestic cats and dogs in attics. This fur will indicate to nesting squirrels that a potential predator roams and will encourage evacuation. Fake owls and scarecrows are generally ignored by the animals, and the best way to prevent chewing on an object is to coat it with something to make it undesirable: for instance a soft cloth or chilli pepper paste or powder. Squirrel trapping is also practiced to remove them from residential areas.

Squirrels can be trained to be hand-fed. Because they are able to cache surplus food, they will take as much food as is available. Squirrels living in parks and campuses in cities have learned that humans are typically a ready source of food. Hand feeding is not recommended, however, because squirrels may carry plague or other animal-borne diseases. Even if they do not carry disease, they often have a hard time telling fingertips from food, and bites are painful. Squirrels are occasionally kept as household pets, provided they are selected young enough and are hand raised in a proper fashion. They can be taught to do tricks, and are said to be as intelligent as dogs in their ability to learn behaviors. In these cases, a large cage and a balanced diet with good variety will keep a pet squirrel healthy and happy. As a pet, the owner must be aware of "spring fever" at which time a female pet squirrel will become very defensive of her cage, thinking of it as her nest, and will become somewhat aggressive to defend the area.

Urban squirrels have learned to get a great deal of food from over-generous humans. One of the more common and inexpensive foods fed to squirrels is peanuts. Recent studies however have shown that raw peanuts contain a trypsin inhibitor that prevents the absorption of protein in the intestines, therefore offering peanuts that have been roasted is the better option. However, wildlife rehabilitators in the field have noted that neither raw and roasted peanuts or sunflower seeds are good for squirrels, since they are deficient in several essential nutrients. This type of deficiency has been found to cause Metabolic Bone Disease, a somewhat common ailment found in malnourished squirrels