Critique

Charity begins at home... some smart fellow once said and i believe smart fellows say a lot... which are not always very smart things but well... who cares.

So what i am thinking right now is not really about charity but rather something a little contrasting... I couldn't think of anything better than the phrase quoted earlier... the sense i wanted it to make was that one should bitch about oneself before bitching about the rest... for I was thinking about retrospecting some things i do that i am not so confident to be the right things to do, but nonetheless i cannot stop doing them... Most people would like to keep such things to themselves but some strange instinct in me says its not good to keep such things to oneself and better to speak it out to some very nice people on earth who bother to read through whatever nonsense i sometimes write...

I like to think (I am sure each one of us thinks so) a lot about people around me... good things mostly but weirder things sometimes of course about the weirder lot... for example: Consider a hypothetical situation that some prof is trying to explain and inspire me about something that he/she has super-high regards for... i would love to pretend (In fact i do pretend) as if i am really thrilled and excited about the whole thing that he is talking about and probably it might have hardly occurred to me or for that matter anyone in this world had it not been for his/her words of wisdom... over and above what gives me the kick of the whole thing is thinking that this person really thinks i believe the crap he/she is giving me and has no clue about what i am really thinking... which is most of the time like what would he/she react like if i just spilled this coffee he/she just got over his/her books.. what if i burst out laughing over something that he is so serious about.. man! that would be hilarious!!

Not really that i am proud of this trick that i sometimes play with myself, most of the time i try and avoid it for it brings nothing more than sadistic (masochistic?) pleasure for a couple of seconds and I also very well understand the fact that i am not fooling anyone else but myself as most of the time it has happened that an entire gyaan session has done its course and i have had the same incremental understanding of the concept as the peon who was probably cleaning the spilled coffee somewhere.

Well so all this was something i do with people i am not really very fond of. Most people who are good to me, i try and be really good to them. It so happens that i become just too good to them that i stop thinking about what i am saying. Then its they who start doing the thinking part and i am just aimlessly blabbering, thinking that i am being funny and we are having a great conversation till "it" happens. "It" has often happened at the most unanticipated situations where I am waiting for a nice friendly laugh or at least smile after speaking something which I have believed to be funny and great. I am searching for that spark and shine in those eyes with whom i have just shared some awesome bit of humour/fact... and there it comes, the person tries to be at his/her politest best and says something like "what did u just say", "i cant believe u just said that", "dude.. i always thought you were... ", "how.... you really meant... ". I still believe they are kidding and probably taking the joke to another dimension altogether and then the realization comes crashing down to me and i realize what else that i just said could have meant.

Most of the times both sides realize and understand, my friends being the real good people they are have learnt to discount such gory things i sometimes do and they too believe its due to some bit of malfunction/lack of Grey cells. Though, nothing makes the moment worse for me and I curse the moment and myself for the random stupid over-enthusiastic crap that i sometimes talk.

I have successfully blogged again after a good amount of gestation period and i am happy about it !!

P.S: .... and people who don't know me that well dont get scared.. If you are a good friend and I haven't done "it" to you there are chances that I may do "it" to you but remember the discounting formula i just talked about, and I am sorry (raised to some exponential value of 10) to those who have been a vitcim of this... believe me I am not so bad after all ... you can consult my friends :)